Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
