You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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