Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
