Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
