Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
