DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
