There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
