and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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