i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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