I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
