I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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