youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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