if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
