ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
