I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
