so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
