Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
