I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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