After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
