i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
