I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
