I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
