So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
