guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
