I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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