Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
