evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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