I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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