I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
