im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
