there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
