I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
