Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
