when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
