not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
