If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
