how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
