And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
