i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
