hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
