Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
