Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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