On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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