Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
