Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
