dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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