all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
