If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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