he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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