Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
