your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
