3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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