Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
