What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
